Because of anything. Something silly, like time. Something stupid, like opinions. All in hindrance of something true.
and thus,
Welcome to America. Welcome to this facade called life.
I suppose that's why I look forward to getting out of here. To really get out though, that remains up to me.
Music, poems, stories, quotes, images.
Letting go, moving on. This is called life. I call it disability.
Why I look back? 1) You remain because you're solid. You give your best, and know what it's like. You have a knack for humor, and a perseverance tempered by experience. You're missing out though on these nights. Flexibility. 2) You remain because of heart. A loyal soldier, bigger than the body. You say you're bothered, but aren't we all. Well, I guess not. You forge your path. You will. Leadership. 3) You remain because you stole a bit of mine. I truly see how I blind I am, but that's okay. Friends to the end, forever to be. only. It happens. We made plans, high in the end of the days. Later, we said. Decisiveness. 4) You remain because you have proved how the brain operates in mass chaos. A life of order and proficiency. You have special skills, coordinator. Strive to be, not to become. You can only walk on water if you get out of the boat. A wise person told me that once. Aptitude. 5) You remain because of your purity of emotion. Remember, "The greatest strengths are also concurrently the greatest weaknesses." Just remember, we will need you to in the future. Power. 6) You remain because of your strength. Switching roles in this boat called life, eh? Think about what we said. What you said. Convenience friends. No, not us. Remember, I'm looking for the right people. Wisdom. 7) You remain because you are my friend. Nothing more to it. Okay, we are good friends. Watch out for those tendrils of hurtful emotions, you can beat them. You are unique. Creativity. 8) You remain because you're funny. You always had these height issues... and problems with winner the whole time. But it's all good. Watch your back in the future. I think we'll turn out okay though. Joy. 9) You remain because you can achieve. Dream big, I'll be around for you. Make things happen, sometimes you can't depend on oasis. or even smaller groups within, though you embody this. Find the right people, you've got unique connections. Genius. 10) You remain because you're a dreamer. and everybody needs a good dreamer, of course. I love your tastes. Don't lose yourself. I don't know you that well. Imagination. 11) You remain because you're a joker. Though it's kind of odd that you only post about how life is owning you. You'll turn out well. Be careful not to listen too carefully to everything everyone and anyone tells you. Caring.
One additional remainder. You see, you removed yourself long ago. A choice I now see clearly. I will come back for you. I keep my word. Kindness.
A toast to my friends. Troy Athens 2009.
You don't understand.
You see, I'm looking for more of the right people. I have high expectations. And I have something you probably don't have.
1) So I met you many years ago at one of those church retreats, but I never really got to talking with you until that time around October in the 7th grade. It's gotten better as time has passed, and you've always been there for me. haha... you're really... big. but it's nice to have you as a friend. We should talk more and go on some adventures or something like that. Tell me sometime what you wanna do. You surely have a certain... way. with people, and our relationship is definitely interesting. Thanks for the gift you gave me 15 days ago. I remember when we used to hang out in that tree together, those were fun times. haha nature, nature, nature. You told me to meet you on that little mountain once; the run around the park was really relaxing. Thanks for everything. You know what you're doing, and you have an aura that shows it. Always full of good quotes. Whatever it takes, right?
2) I don't know if you'll even read this, but you might, so I'll write. You can always bring a smile to my face even if I'm in the process of annoying you. haha, you're good at stuff you do though you stop doing stuff when you aren't too good at it XD. I think you're afraid of talking to me too, but maybe that will change. It's always fun being around you... you bring life everywhere you go. Remember that one time we hiked up the mountain? Those were totally fun days, free of worries. What you say means a lot to me though... and I'm sorry that I disappoint you sometimes. You're so much like me, and for that I'm kinda scared. I just wish I could have done more. I'm sorry for hurting you. You have a certain charisma about you. Keep up the reading and building! You're becoming a beautiful person.
3) Good man, turn up the music for this one. What shall we die for? Fight on, soldier. You have some quite impressive tactical, recon, and even physical (though you don't believe so) skills. Your observations never fail to impress me. Keep up the good work. haha, I remember several late-night AIM talks with you. We've played music, frisbee, basketball together, and just chilled at random people's houses. Strive after your dreams, you have the capacity to achieve them. Let the heart work through, too. Your artistic talent is definitely there. I like how we can be honest with each other, it's pretty rare. Remember running through the woods together before we split? heh, sorry for leaving you. I just wish I could have helped you more. You may say that these things happen just because it's the most logical, but whatever the reason or your reason(s), I'm just glad they did. Friend? I think so.
4) I hope it's not too late because there are so many things I haven't said. I remember how merely two weeks ago everything was so different with you gone. You've always been there with a helping hand, even if I wasn't asking for anything. We used to talk late into the night and play during the day. Things have changed so much, but you have seen me through. Thanks for everything you've done, all the little things. I guess I never knew what was really important, kept on getting distracted. I don't even know if I could have gone on without you, I doubt it. Thanks for guiding me. I hope things with your family work out. I will remember you. haha, whenever you ask me to help you or do something, I always act like I don't want to, but I know I will miss that. Don't give up. I'm scared of what might end up happening. I miss you.
5) I appreciate you a lot for what you have brought to the table. I never would have expected us to get along so. I thought that our personalities were quite different, haha either I was wrong, or that fact did not matter. Every time we talked, and talk, it's a thoroughly enjoying experience, no matter the subject. We've spoken less recently, but circumstances change. Personally though, I feel that it is not a loss, merely how things are. I honestly believe we can talk about anything, anytime, picking up just where we leave off every time there is a gap in our meetings. haha, I must admit, you've influenced me quite a bit. You have your strengths and your weaknesses, your skills and your failures. You know that, and you acknowledge it. Admirable. You have found your place among those different, haha, oh how uniqueness calls. You are quite so. I'm sure you won't let that change. Catch you around, brother. haha and btw, sorry I didn't get you exactly what you wanted, but if you don't end up receiving that one useful little electrical tool, I've gotcha covered. Keep working on your music and culinary skills, they're good. Maybe the song above can challenge you to keep in mind the long-term.
6) We've lived through this system together. Troy, such an interesting place. I'm glad to have known you through these years. Good old schoolboy days, huh? haha, we should definitely visit some teachers sometime. soon. I admire your background, you certainly have quite the unique set of experiences. I'm sorry that you had to miss out 3 and a half weeks ago, I truly am. We'll figure out our plans, someday. Promise to meet up with you sometime. soon. Remember running around, playing sports all day? How about those mornings with the bagels? Nights in discussion, chilling around the city, rides everywhere. You have this knack for always being able to talk about anything, and your sometimes lack of seriousness definitely balances mine out. Hope you achieve your dreams, you've got what it takes. Let's roll.
7) haha many good old memories... thanks for being there. seriously. From our childhood playtimes, through intermediate years, up until our standing now. It's been good, it's been everywhere. I am truly glad to call you friend, although I definitely don't show that at times, by what I do. or what I say. Good old days playing around the houses, basketball, biking, basically any sort of game or any type of activity. Master your techniques, you're already up there in my rankings. Show them how it's done, no matter what challenges lie before you. I am sorry for being such a challenge to you, myself. My bad. Let's rebuild, keep it going until the bond's rooted deep. Though I feel it already is. I recall several things we planned to do that never occurred, perhaps one day. The song above is so true, so true. I know I can always find some sort of refuge in your home, thank you for everything. I feel like I have more to say, but I don't know how to say it. Or I just sense that you already understand, but maybe we don't anymore because of time. But anyway, let's live this life. Remember number five.
8) You've set quite the example, provided quite the listening ear, and played quite the games. I've been in and out around your life, we would meet sporadically throughout the years, for whatever reasons. I remember most distinctly though, three summers ago. We got to talking, and things went from there. I'm sorry that you could not always depend on me to hang out. Those times we played or talked though, usually quite intense on the play, haha and deep but free on the talk. I'm sorry that I wasn't able to get you an actual letter.. unfortunate timing intervened. Thank you for teaching me the importance of listening, understanding, and respecting. I can only hope to live as you do. You sure do a lot with church, keep believing. You treat everyone with kindness, it's inspiring. And you have the ability to know when something is wrong, and then ask about it. We'll toss more in good time, that's for sure.
9) We've done quite the traveling. I'm sorry, I know you don't quite like modern music, but it surrounds me. So ignore it if you'd like, but at least, I chose that song above for you. And as for that CD, well, it unifies us all. I remember several times when I went to your house... a BBQ, painting the shed, birthday parties, sleepovers, drawing music. All those retreats too, when we roomed together, good times, good games. haha, you say you have this ability to remember the most random things, and it works out quite well. I think you just pursue whatever interests you until you're satisfied. You're also probably the most equipped person I know, you sure know what to have, when to use it, and where everything is applicable. I hope you're able to get where you want to be, unless that's just what your parents want. But whatever happens, I'm sure that you'll be able to make it good. Keep up the light-heartedness.
10) I know I can turn to you. No matter what we've been through, things always turn out for the best. I've learned so much from you, and I'm proud to be who I am. Thank you for being who you are, as well. I remember talks late into the night, and oh how those have changed. We would talk about anything and everything; you had and still have great advice. I think I'm taking after you. In your way with people, at least. You are agreeable with everyone, and you sure know a lot of people. I'm sorry about the car, but you're also the one who has taught me truly how to not hold value on material things. and the values of hard work. I think we're kinda alike in many ways, more than just one. You leave quite an impression upon me. We haven't gotten to talking much in the past years until recently, let's keep that.
11) You are one powerful force. I've only gotten to know you better, somewhat, recently. Hm, for some reason when I sat down to write this, I thought of a story I read once long ago. It's about how there's this little girl going off to her first day of elementary school, and her mom gives her this secret gift. Her mom says not to look at the gift until she absolutely has to. So she goes to school and becomes all home-sick and everything, but she endures. Until near the end of the day, she finally opens the gift to see a bright, shiny star sticker thing. With a note that says "I love you" from her mom. haha. Anyway, I hope you are able to be happy. I'm thankful for those random talks... haha "awkward" talks... that we've had. Just remember, just remember. Hang in there. You make me think, you make me think. You're also quite random, just thought I'd throw that in there. haha, I like that.
12) Heh.. referral 9. original source.
13) You know what it's like to fight the good fight, hero. Thank you for the gifts, especially those 9 days ago, my friend. I am still trying to figure out the way you think, it eludes me quite too simply. You showed me what it's like to do things on whim, to be random, but to act from the heart. Thank you. Although things might not always turn out for the best, like those... adventures, at least things will be true. I'll always remember those little talks, you know, those huddles. Kept us going, they did. People misunderstand you, I think. Or perhaps judge you too early, you've got some depth in you that's for sure. You should have spoken night of, it was good. I'm glad that you were who you were, for them. You're a good man, never sacrifice that, no matter the trade-off.
14) Oh, miscommunications. haha, I've always wanted to go swimming in your pool, maybe even do some daring dives. You've been through a lot of pain, that's for sure. Losing parts of yourself, I believe... becoming more hardened... more cynical or I guess, just more sad. haha but I dunno, you're also very confusing. =] I want to thank you for being there, for providing hope. Your words mean a lot, even if you're just joking around. You're one of those people who I would disregard my schedule to help out. Remember to be HAPPY. haha, good times on that vacation. I wish I had gotten to know you better earlier. But things happen for a reason, right? You sure hold a lot of capacity, a lot of uniqueness, don't let that go. I'll be there for you.
15) You made so much more impact than you thought, and you're also more social than you claim to be. I remember those nights of frustration and how those worked out, sort of. And then that one time where you were off running trips to make things right, and then we just completely winged it. All those talks, I was picking up as much as I could from you. I learned how to handle things, how to reason things out, how to move fast. I really appreciate how much you've been in my life, even if it's been so little. haha, you definitely have the... oddest sense of humor... and sarcasm. But it's all pretty much awesome. You may like to put up an intimidating front, but I know deep down inside you're just a nice (and fuzzy) teddy bear. Keep destroying life, you.
16) One handshake, and that's how we part. Remember to keep your patience and that some things are worth letting go, even if you're right. Haha, you taught me that, actually. You taught me a lot of things. Thank you for all the good times, all the meetings. I remember that one time working on that divider, you kinda ninja jumped in order to save yourself from the fall and that was quite amazing. Stay nimble, it has been and still will be useful. You inspire me to go beyond my limits and you've set quite the structure for how I operate. I wish we could have had more time together. Hopefully we will, or at least, will make the best out of whatever we have left. You always refresh me, and I thank you for that. I'm sorry I can not give more back to you. You helped me feel like I belonged. I don't think I'll ever forget.
17) I love how I can turn to you and simply talk. About that card... I first picked it out due to something I saw once. A little cartoon about an X-men guy who could make things explode... anyway, he was pretty cool and mentioned that it was his favorite card. Haha, that was impressed upon my mind, and so there you are. I got it during some flight to Taiwan (hah hah, Taiwan!) during middle school years, I think... played with it in breakout on Sunday mornings, and it's been in my Bible as my bookmark since... ever. Pretty cool.. haha anyway, get bothered. But then again, don't. I like listening to you talk, you see quite easily into me. Keep up the gaming, you're quite good. Although you sure don't seem to like losing. =] I sure don't see you much, but I guess it makes me treasure all those times that I do. Enjoyable times, that's all I can really say.
18) Keep living, keep living. You're so much stronger now. I'm proud of you. Though that certainly doesn't mean I expect anything of you or should take you for granted. You've taught me what "love" means, I guess, though I never really anticipated that. I love you. I'm going to wait, stand as a watchguard. Define caring, right? Anyway, let's not talk about that. There is enough pain around already. I guess the challenge is to keep opening up after being hurt, knowing that we probably will be hurt again. I'll remember that one day where we traveled all around, there was a sort of satisfied weariness afterwards. I think people take you for granted, or at least, don't appreciate your style. But it was all foretold, right? I hope you get what you want. It's funny what can happen in just a short moment, or a single night.
19) I'm not exactly sure how it started, but I'm glad it turned out this way. haha, I know that you don't like the same type of music I do, but maybe the song above compensates just a little bit. Was always a little awkward between us through our younger years, we didn't really become friends until high school I think, or maybe near the end of middle school. The times since then have been countless. Projects, homework, gaming, sports, all those experiences. Isn't it weird, by the way, talking online? Or is it just me? I've probably talked with you the most, in person, out of all my other friends. I'm glad for who you are, you've certainly helped me discover myself. We've got to hang out more, I don't know what will happen in the future, even though it seems so certain. I'm sorry that I'm often not available though, bear with me.
20) I don't really know you, but you're part of this, you're part of me. We're so different, yet have a bit in common. Life sure is unfair sometimes, huh? Equality and all that. I remember that one time when you were so nice, and I didn't even realize it. Thank you. You've shown me what it means to truly work hard, by example. So much time together, yet we really don't know each other that well. Perhaps that will change, perhaps someday. We've had our rollercoasters but I think everything will work out one day. You still have a lot to go through, but you'll be okay. Keep becoming who you want to be, that's the key. So many words unspoken, I don't quite know what will become of it. I wish you well. Merry Christmas. I love you all. Would not give up a single second of our experiences together. - John Shen
